What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 27.06.2025 18:30
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
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I will be 64.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Ive learnt so much.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Are there girls here who like group sex?
One cannot live in the past .
I was very sick at this time too.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Non est eum facere impedit aut dignissimos tempora.
When she asked me how she looked .
She was in good health!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
How far back into your childhood can your remember and what is your favorite memory of that time?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Why do humans sweat while stressed?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My life is so biszare .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
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I couldn’t, believe it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We were not on the streets..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
What did i know ?
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She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He knew the spot.
Have you ever had a scary dream about a loved one or friend soon after their death?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He resisted the act ,that day.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
This is soul school!.
She found it foreign!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She loved him until the end.
She wouldn,t have been !
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im still living with it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My family never makes their pension either.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
So whats the point in blame.
But ive been too sick for many years..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I have no regrets .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We all went to grammer schools
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I don,t even have a pension.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Was to survive, this bastard.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And i lived it daily.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
It was going to be , some day.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I think the readers, may guess!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I write beautiful poetry .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I waited trembling.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was scared of men, in general
Comes on , in middle age.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As i do to all so called friends.?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was 9 years of age.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
So, i spoilt her more .
But, we were locked up after school.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was seconnd youngest,
Put me off passion for life!!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Especially a lifetime of it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I said to her
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Would this be the day?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But it wasn’t much.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She married twice! .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
All the time i was locked up.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Who then, do I blame.?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Why did i forgive my father ?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!